Well Dad,
Here we are. We are officially in North Carolina and Isaiah started his Med School Orientation Monday. Can you believe it? We are really doing this. Whether we like it or not, it's going to happen. Craziness if you ask me. After approximately 5 minutes after Isaiah leaves each day, I already miss him. Pathetic? YES. I've always fallen hard, but it has gone to a whole new level with this incredible husband of mine. I don't think I would miss him so much if he wasn't so dang amazing. He treats me perfectly. He is quick to say sorry and quick to forgive. He is always ready to console me when times get hard and he somehow never worries, which is perfect for my over-anxious, worry-at-all-times personality.
As I have said approximately a billion times before, I wish you were here. I wish you were here to tell him how taxing this process will be, how difficult it will be on our marriage, and how he will be able to make it regardless of the difficulties. I'm a little nervous for him. It's incredible that he was able to get into a top 10 med school at Duke, but I wonder if it will be overwhelming on him. Ya know, the constant studying, always trying to catch up on the curriculum and competing with incredibly smart peers. I have complete faith that he can do it, and that the Lord will assist us in times of need, I just get nervous.
Last night was his white coat ceremony. My thoughts on you, and him, were shared pretty equally. I couldn't help but wonder what it was like when you were at the beginning of the medical school process. What mom was thinking when you started your first day as well as what was going through your mind. I wish with all my heart that I could discuss it with you. But once again, I guess that just wasn't in our plans. Frustrating isn't it? Not understanding why our relationship was cut to only 15 years (and those 15 years not being my finest). I try not to think about it because I simply get upset and I know that isn't the way I should react. But in all honesty, it is frustrating. Wondering why I'm not allowed to call my dad when so many others my age and older are. All I can depend on are the moments where I can feel you with me that come about once a year. Frustrating isn't it? That you weren't able to see me get sealed in the temple, or say good-bye to as we left for a terrifying experience that any doctor will discourage us from taking. As hard as I try, I can't help but be frustrated at times.
Well enough with the un-Christ-like rant. It has been an incredible past year and I can't help but guarantee that the Lord helped us get exactly where we are. There have been numerous moments where Isaiah and I have looked at each other and specifically said, "Wow, this couldn't have happened without the Lord allowing it to happen." (aka we aren't smart enough do do half what has occurred the last year ourselves :) ) If someone would have told me 5 years ago I would be married to the perfect man as well as the schooling situation we are in, I can't say I could have believed it. And what can I currently credit our life situation to? The Lord. I could say it a million times, but we couldn't be here without the Lord. Dad, it is incredible how he has opened this unbelievable path for us and I cannot comprehend why we deserve it.
As I make that statement, I cannot help but look back on how many times I have made that statement but in different circumstances. Specifically when my incredible dad, and man I always looked up to, died while I was a sophomore in high school. Or about the 9 months you struggled through before you passed away, including the nights when you were in a delirium and couldn't remember my name. But that's specifically what I said, "Why do I deserve this? Why does my family deserve to go through this when I have to watch hundreds of families that don't." Well I guess the best answer is because I don't know everything. Because this is where faith steps in. Through the good, as well as the bad "Why do I deserve this?" moments, we need to recognize that we aren't in control of our lives, but the one who really matters is.
Dad, if it's at all possible, please help him. I know it will be hard and taxing at times, but please help him. Maybe since you've never met him, and won't until we pass on from this life, you could give him a little extra help and guidance. Throughout our entire marriage, I've always hoped that one morning Isaiah would be able to say, "I had a dream I was able to talk to your dad last night", or even "As I was working today, I could feel your dad with me." Wouldn't it be amazing? It would be like being able to meet him, even though you were taken away 5 years before we met. It may seem immature, or like I cannot let go of the man I lost 8 years ago, but that's just it. I can't. I don't think I ever will, but I guess that's just my personality. I still think of you everyday, always wondering what would happen if you were still here. Please don't forget me. I know its been a long time, but if you can, keep an eye on us. I love you.
I'll love you forever,
Reebok
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Till I See You Again...
Kreg,
It is interesting how a dream of you is worth more than anything in life. I think that is because for a moment, you're with me again. We're together and I'm able to talk with you, laugh with you, and even fight with you. It's interesting how in these dreams with you, I always know something is a little off. I recognize that you're here, and yet you're not supposed to be here. It's a strange feeling, yet I push it off in order to just focus on you and the time I am getting with you. I never would have imagined that my favorite dream in life would be one with my dad. It's strange how life hands you cards that you would have never imagined. But I guess if it is in the Lords will, it is what we were sent here to do/overcome.
Well, life has been pretty interesting lately. Isaiah and I have completed our degrees at the University of Utah and our next chapter will be attending medical school. Isaiah will officially be attending Duke Medical School and we are beyond excited to have the opportunity to attend a top ten medical school. I would have never dreamed that Isaiah would have gotten accepted here, but we are certainly thrilled.
The other day, we went to your grave and as we were leaving I told Isaiah that he is going to need to know what you feel like because you might just spend a little time with him while he is in the rough grind of medical school. I tried to explain how feeling you is kinda like the spirit, but a little different. I don't know if it is going to be possible, but I would absolutely love it if you spent a little time with him. Feeling you is incredible, and although I don't feel it as much as when you first died, I still hold those experiences extremely close to me. When you're married and care so much for another person, you want them to have the same goodness in life that you've experienced. I also think that since you weren't able to meet him in real life on this earth, this could be the closest thing to you meeting him. It would kind of be like you getting to know him in a different way.
Preparing to move to North Carolina is quite the experience for a high anxiety stress-aholic. Its interesting how I've always had issues with stress/anxiety, yet it has been getting worse and worse the past 5 years of my life. Anyways, everything has worked out extremely well and I feel like the Lord's hand has certainly been in my life, yet I still spend most of my days worrying about the days to come. For instance, when I went back and interviewed with an elementary school, she told me during the interview that I would have a position at their school if I wanted it, and yet I still get nervous something will fall through and I will be back there without a job. I know I need to just recognize that my life is in the Lord's hands, yet I still find myself worrying daily.
Overall, we are extremely blessed and life is incredible. College was a wonderful experience for both of us, and although you weren't there to watch us graduate, I know that you were there in spirit.
I love you dad, I always have and I always will. I think of you daily and you will never be forgotten. I speak of you constantly to Isaiah and I will make sure I do this to my children as well. I miss your constant example and all you stood for, yet I guess I will just have to try to remember your light and example as I move forward in life. I love you.
Love,
Reebok
It is interesting how a dream of you is worth more than anything in life. I think that is because for a moment, you're with me again. We're together and I'm able to talk with you, laugh with you, and even fight with you. It's interesting how in these dreams with you, I always know something is a little off. I recognize that you're here, and yet you're not supposed to be here. It's a strange feeling, yet I push it off in order to just focus on you and the time I am getting with you. I never would have imagined that my favorite dream in life would be one with my dad. It's strange how life hands you cards that you would have never imagined. But I guess if it is in the Lords will, it is what we were sent here to do/overcome.
Well, life has been pretty interesting lately. Isaiah and I have completed our degrees at the University of Utah and our next chapter will be attending medical school. Isaiah will officially be attending Duke Medical School and we are beyond excited to have the opportunity to attend a top ten medical school. I would have never dreamed that Isaiah would have gotten accepted here, but we are certainly thrilled.
Preparing to move to North Carolina is quite the experience for a high anxiety stress-aholic. Its interesting how I've always had issues with stress/anxiety, yet it has been getting worse and worse the past 5 years of my life. Anyways, everything has worked out extremely well and I feel like the Lord's hand has certainly been in my life, yet I still spend most of my days worrying about the days to come. For instance, when I went back and interviewed with an elementary school, she told me during the interview that I would have a position at their school if I wanted it, and yet I still get nervous something will fall through and I will be back there without a job. I know I need to just recognize that my life is in the Lord's hands, yet I still find myself worrying daily.
I love you dad, I always have and I always will. I think of you daily and you will never be forgotten. I speak of you constantly to Isaiah and I will make sure I do this to my children as well. I miss your constant example and all you stood for, yet I guess I will just have to try to remember your light and example as I move forward in life. I love you.
Love,
Reebok
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Each and Every Day
Dear Kreg,
As I stood there with the sun on my face, I couldn't help but think that it was possibly a sign that you still love and care for me. I felt this after I had brushed the snow off your gravestone so that the world could once again see your name. If there is one thing that I want most, it is for your life example to be remembered. I have finally reached the end of my student teaching which has been a wonderful, busy and sometimes overwhelming experience. This last year has been a journey that I have yearned to discuss with you multiple times. Mostly full of wishful conversations concerning the medical school process. It's interesting how without fail, each time I am calling my family members with good news concerning medical school, or other exciting moments in life, I always feel this hole in my heart and feel as if I have forgotten someone. It's you. Isn't it odd? After almost seven years, I still can't get over the fact that I want to share those good news moments with you. Perhaps that is why I have begun this little wishful letter writing experience. Anyways, it's about time I get all of those wishful conversations out.
I finished my second marathon last July. I ran it for you. Homemade t-shirt and all, I ran it for you. It was hard, much harder than the last one, yet it was worth it. Sweet Isaiah helped me in the last 6 miles by being right by my side. Mom also jumped in and ran some with me. Talk about a wonderful family. It was a wonderful experience. Not because it was easy, but because it was hard and I had to rely on the wonderful relationship I have with mom and Isaiah. Regardless of all the details, I ran it for you. It was a marathon full of tears (mainly when other runners would ask whose name was on my shirt). I also ran into one of your friends from the state hospital, Kate. We ran together for a little while and talked about you for quite a while and all that you stood for while you we're here.
Along with finishing the marathon for you, there have also been some other exciting moments the past few months. Isaiah has been undergoing the application process which has been quite the journey. It all started about a year ago, full of applications, secondary applications and finally interviews. Last October we were able to go on a little adventure back east while Isaiah had some interviews. He was interviewing in North Carolina and Pennsylvania so we decided to make a week trip out of it and enjoy the journey. Along the way, we stopped by VCU where you went to school. Isaiah's interview there wasn't for a few weeks, but I wanted to stop there to see where you went. Here are a few pictures of our trip as well as our stop at VCU.
Isaiah had his first acceptance last October to St. Louis University. The relief of not getting in anywhere was taken away and we were very excited. After that was Ohio State at the end of November. This was extremely exciting because it was one of our top choices. Ohio State seemed like a wonderful opportunity and was well ranked. The Commonwealth College of Pennsylvania called Isaiah at the beginning of December which was another exciting acceptance. After that, we knew we were on the long wait to hear from Duke and the U.
At the beginning of March we heard from Duke. I still remember driving away from North Carolina that Tuesday and how Isaiah and I kept saying how we needed to make sure we didn't get our hopes up. We always had a hope/feeling that maybe things would work out with Duke, yet we couldn't say anything incase our feeling was wrong. Anyways, we heard form Duke on a Monday. I was teaching and Carol knew that I was waiting for the yes/no from Isaiah. As my phone vibrated, she called me over. All the text said was "accepted". I was so excited that I couldn't even teach. It was unbelievable! Regardless of the decisions we make, it is incredible to even have the possibility of North Carolina in our future. Here are a few pictures that I took from Duke when we were there, it was gorgeous! I spent the entire 8 hours while Isaiah was in his interview, walking around and exploring Duke's campus.
We are still waiting on hearing for the U to make a final decision. This is certainly the largest decision of our marriage and I cannot imagine doing it without the help of the Lord. Hopefully, He will somehow find a way for you to communicate what you think we should do to us as well. Its interesting how the gospel makes everything in life easier. I can't imagine all of the trials in life without the strength and assistance of our Savior.
I'll love you forever,
Marie
As I stood there with the sun on my face, I couldn't help but think that it was possibly a sign that you still love and care for me. I felt this after I had brushed the snow off your gravestone so that the world could once again see your name. If there is one thing that I want most, it is for your life example to be remembered. I have finally reached the end of my student teaching which has been a wonderful, busy and sometimes overwhelming experience. This last year has been a journey that I have yearned to discuss with you multiple times. Mostly full of wishful conversations concerning the medical school process. It's interesting how without fail, each time I am calling my family members with good news concerning medical school, or other exciting moments in life, I always feel this hole in my heart and feel as if I have forgotten someone. It's you. Isn't it odd? After almost seven years, I still can't get over the fact that I want to share those good news moments with you. Perhaps that is why I have begun this little wishful letter writing experience. Anyways, it's about time I get all of those wishful conversations out.
I finished my second marathon last July. I ran it for you. Homemade t-shirt and all, I ran it for you. It was hard, much harder than the last one, yet it was worth it. Sweet Isaiah helped me in the last 6 miles by being right by my side. Mom also jumped in and ran some with me. Talk about a wonderful family. It was a wonderful experience. Not because it was easy, but because it was hard and I had to rely on the wonderful relationship I have with mom and Isaiah. Regardless of all the details, I ran it for you. It was a marathon full of tears (mainly when other runners would ask whose name was on my shirt). I also ran into one of your friends from the state hospital, Kate. We ran together for a little while and talked about you for quite a while and all that you stood for while you we're here.
Along with finishing the marathon for you, there have also been some other exciting moments the past few months. Isaiah has been undergoing the application process which has been quite the journey. It all started about a year ago, full of applications, secondary applications and finally interviews. Last October we were able to go on a little adventure back east while Isaiah had some interviews. He was interviewing in North Carolina and Pennsylvania so we decided to make a week trip out of it and enjoy the journey. Along the way, we stopped by VCU where you went to school. Isaiah's interview there wasn't for a few weeks, but I wanted to stop there to see where you went. Here are a few pictures of our trip as well as our stop at VCU.
Isaiah had his first acceptance last October to St. Louis University. The relief of not getting in anywhere was taken away and we were very excited. After that was Ohio State at the end of November. This was extremely exciting because it was one of our top choices. Ohio State seemed like a wonderful opportunity and was well ranked. The Commonwealth College of Pennsylvania called Isaiah at the beginning of December which was another exciting acceptance. After that, we knew we were on the long wait to hear from Duke and the U.
At the beginning of March we heard from Duke. I still remember driving away from North Carolina that Tuesday and how Isaiah and I kept saying how we needed to make sure we didn't get our hopes up. We always had a hope/feeling that maybe things would work out with Duke, yet we couldn't say anything incase our feeling was wrong. Anyways, we heard form Duke on a Monday. I was teaching and Carol knew that I was waiting for the yes/no from Isaiah. As my phone vibrated, she called me over. All the text said was "accepted". I was so excited that I couldn't even teach. It was unbelievable! Regardless of the decisions we make, it is incredible to even have the possibility of North Carolina in our future. Here are a few pictures that I took from Duke when we were there, it was gorgeous! I spent the entire 8 hours while Isaiah was in his interview, walking around and exploring Duke's campus.
We are still waiting on hearing for the U to make a final decision. This is certainly the largest decision of our marriage and I cannot imagine doing it without the help of the Lord. Hopefully, He will somehow find a way for you to communicate what you think we should do to us as well. Its interesting how the gospel makes everything in life easier. I can't imagine all of the trials in life without the strength and assistance of our Savior.
I'll love you forever,
Marie
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